


the struggle of my body image

by RoxieOfficial



Series: texts about my life [1]
Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Anorexic Behaviors Are Briefly Mentioned, Body Image, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-19 23:58:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14248632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoxieOfficial/pseuds/RoxieOfficial
Summary: a text about the ongoing battle i have with my body image thanks to my older brother who thought it would be a good idea to start calling me fat when i was 11





	the struggle of my body image

**Author's Note:**

> don't worry, i'm all better now. yes, i sometimes still struggle with my body image, but it's not as bad as when i was 12, 13 or even 14. my brother's an idiot, that's for sure, but i forgave him. it took me years, but i did.

to my big brother who used to call me fat:

 

you caused me to be self-conscious. i was a bubbly 6th grader before you started calling me fat. i didn't see anything wrong with my body. i wasn't as skinny as some of my friend, but i wasn't someone who you could classify as ' overweight '. i was 11 and weighed 98 pounds. everything was _normal_. until you crushed my self esteem to pieces without any remorse.

i remember being 12 and having brought a granola bar in my bedroom. i sat on my bed, watching that fucking granola bar, promising myself i would only eat it when my stomach ached for food. when i would be _starving_. because i was fat, right? i couldn't eat this bar unless i absolutely needed to. **you** caused this.

i remember being 13 and telling myself i'd make myself throw up until i reached 88 pounds and then i'd stop. fortunately, i told a friend and never made myself throw up. i just wanted to be skinny. every night, i'd watch myself in the mirror as i undress, looking at the fat on my thighs, my stomach, _everywhere_. i smiled everything my gaze came across my ribs, because, yes, i was skinny enough for my ribs to be visible through my skin, but i was fat, remember?

i remember being 14 and telling my friends i was fat. i still remember their reaction. how one of them literally screamed at me that i was not fat. another told me ' if you are fat, then what am i? ' i remember how they helped me with my self esteem issues. i'm grateful for them.

i remember being 15 and looking at myself in the mirror, thinking that i was beautiful. that i was skinny. it took me _four_ years to finally look at myself in the mirror without seeing all the fat i had. to finally think i was _worth_ something.

i remember being 16 and writing this text you're reading. and i smiled. i was pretty. i was not fat. so what i gained 20 pounds in the past two years? i was underweight anyway. i smiled, knowing i had finally won this battle. you won't hurt me anymore. i'm stronger than your words, M. 


End file.
